Quick Search Login Status:
You are not currently logged in.
Login Now.
Text Size:
Post Comment | Share This Page | Bookmark This Page | Amazon Shopping | Flag | RSS

Friendship Toasts

Friendly may we part and quickly meet again.

There's fellowship

In every sip

Of friendship's brew.

May we all travel through the world and sow it thick with friendship.

Here's to the four hinges of Friendship—

Swearing, Lying, Stealing and Drinking.

When you swear, swear by your country;

When you lie, lie for a pretty woman,

When you steal, steal away from bad company

And when you drink, drink with me.

The trouble with having friends is the upkeep.

"Brown volunteered to lend me money."

"Did you take it?"

"No. That sort of friendship is too good to lose."

"I let my house furnished, and they've had measles there. Of course we've had the place disinfected; so I suppose it's quite safe. What do you think?"

"I fancy it would be all right, dear; but I think, perhaps, it would be safer to lend it to a friend first."—Punch.

"Hoo is it, Jeemes, that you mak' sic an enairmous profit aff yer potatoes? Yer price is lower than ony ither in the toon and ye mak' extra reductions for yer freends."

"Weel, ye see, I knock aff twa shillin's a ton beacuse a customer is a freend o' mine, an' then I jist tak' twa hundert-weight aff the ton because I'm a freend o' his."—Punch.

The conductor of a western freight train saw a tramp stealing a ride on one of the forward cars. He told the brakeman in the caboose to go up and put the man off at the next stop. When the brakeman approached the tramp, the latter waved a big revolver and told him to keep away.

"Did you get rid of him?" the conductor asked the brakeman, when the train was under motion again.

"I hadn't the heart," was the reply. "He turned out to be an old school friend of mine."

"I'll take care of him," said the conductor, as he started over the tops of the cars.

After the train had made another stop and gone on, the brakeman came into the caboose and said to the conductor:

"Well, is he off?"

"No; he turned out to be an old school friend of mine, too."

If a man does not make new acquaintances, as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his friendship in constant repair.—Samuel Johnson.

They say, and I am glad they say,

It is so; and it may be so;

It may be just the other way,

I cannot tell, but this I know—

From quiet homes and first beginnings

Out to the undiscovered ends

There's nothing worth the wear of winning

Save laughter and the love of friends.

Hilaire Belloc.

Title: Toaster's Handbook Jokes, Stories, and Quotations Author: Peggy Edmund and Harold W. Williams, compilers Release Date: May 26, 2004 Language: English