Nothing so frightens a man as the announcement that he is
expected to respond to a toast on some appallingly near-by
occasion. All ideas he may ever have had on the subject melt away
and like a drowning man he clutches furiously at the nearest solid
object. This book is intended for such rescue purpose, buoyant and
trustworthy but, it is to be hoped, not heavy.
Let the frightened toaster turn first to the key word of his
topic in this dictionary alphabet of selections and perchance he
may find toast, story, definition or verse that may felicitously
introduce his remarks. Then as he proceeds to outline his talk and
to put it into sentences, he may find under one of the many subject
headings a bit which will happily and scintillatingly drive home
the ideas he is unfolding.
While the larger part of the contents is humorous, there are
inserted many quotations of a serious nature which may serve as
appropriate literary ballast.
The jokes and quotes gathered for the toaster have been placed
under the subject headings where it seemed that they might be most
useful, even at the risk of the joke turning on the compilers. To
extend the usefulness of such pseudo-cataloging, cross references,
similar and dissimilar to those of a library card catalog, have
been included.
Should a large number of the inclusions look familiar, let us
remark that the friends one likes best are those who have been
already tried and trusted and are the most welcome in times of
need. However, there are stories of a rising generation, whose
acquaintance all may enjoy.
Nearly all these new and old friends have before this made their
bow in print and since it rarely was certain where they first
appeared, little attempt has been made to credit any source for
them. The compilers hereby make a sweeping acknowledgment to the
"funny editors" of many books and periodicals.